Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Signs of tough times in a southern undead pantry

The current mission: To just eat out of the fridge, freezer and pantry without replenishing certain items that I decided we could do without temporarily to save money and eliminate excessive driving about town shopping for crap and more crap. (broke AND lazy). So in that spirit and while craving waffles, I learned I could just make my own pancake mix from scratch...Yeah, whatever...I know you guys are probably way cooler than me and have been milling your own flours for years, but yeah, me? uh, not so much. That being said, I felt like a chump immediately, thinking of all the hard earned money the Bisquick family had made off us before I had stumbled upon this realization of my own inherent power over my pancake destiny. (rubbing calloused hands and creasing forehead wrinkled from a life of toil)
Those opulent Bisquicks, just slathering about in all their bounty. Yeah, I said "slathering." It just felt like something they'd do. Those damn Bisquicks.

Yeah..on the neverending To Do List is to make fake blood from corn syrup and red food coloring if I can ever find it (apparently red food coloring has been outlawed, can't find it anywhere.) So thats why you see a generic Kroger brand bottle here, scribbled with a sharpie-"For Fake Blood" on the bottle of corn syrup, (the root of all evil, yeah, that same one). So we win the prize for brokiest of the broke. (pause for rock star leaps into the air in slow motion, ending with pounding bellies on the way down) You saw it here first. Fake- Fake Blood. Made from generic ingredients for that extra dash of poorness that really brings out the poverty-strickenness in your brokeness.

For those of us too tight for the Real-Fake Blood. Damn.

This one's for all my homies drinking wine out of boxes if you're lucky enough to get it!! (raising clenched fist) Here's to all my powdered-milk-makin' compatriots! Powder to the People! (Yeah, I went there, so what) Get that 39 cent box of Jiffy cornbread out and - people get eat some cornbread and beans. (swaying side to side)

But in all seriousness, if you need help reconstituting powdered milk, check out this useful resource