Thursday, March 24, 2011

Death By Nail Polish

No pics yet or maybe ever for this one because its honestly worse than corn flakes or fake blood or anything else I'd normally pimp out while modeling for you as my zombie housewife slash capitalist pig wanna be hipster clown or what have you- alter ego.

But had to say I am truly plotting death tonight. I actually am hours and hours deep into an attempt at this point. I tried to do the work life balance thing, whoops, excuse my french, work life "effectiveness" and so I toiled* in the yard a lot this week while hanging with the kids and doing battle with some seriously aggressive weeds in our yard**. So I think I got a bad case of West Nile Chiggers or some poison ivy but I don't know what that really looks like so I think these are chiggers that are sucking my lifeforce which is really pissing me off at this point. (Blood sucking? Really, emmer effer? That's my bit!) Regardless I am just scratching the eff out of myself and in utter misery. If I had a sharp knife I might actually scrape my skin right off and please don't take this as some "cutter chic" or lusty masochism, this is real deal itching happening right now at this moment in time and totally unsexily, not to mention I'm barely able to stop the itching for even a couple seconds to write this post. I haven't itched this bad since I was in corporate America just trying to Shawshank my way out of the manager cube. (the most constricting one if you'll notice. 4 walls for the cube, not just one partial.)

I used almost all of my Nail Life but it was an old bottle that had thickened a ton and because I'm a penny pincher I saved it to just use only on my toenails cause its so friggin thick but now I have an even better use although I'm hoping to crap that I don't need to use it much longer or ever again for this reason. This is misery!!! These bastards must be put down, and I'm just the one to do it. (Sorry for the rip off but I'm catching up on Dexter while running)

Anyhoo, not a cutter but wanting to just go nuts right now. Couldn't really hurt myself on purpose because although I am seriously flawed in so many ways and so hard on myself I have to admit I love the shit out of myself. So this just sucks to want to cut my skin off, ya know? What a weird feeling. Okay, must sleep so I can pick up hubby from the airport way too early with kids in tow. I have a feeling we'll have to stop by the Waffle House on the way back home cause I have a pecan waffle with my name on it and some "scattered, smothered, possibly covered but haven't decided yet for sure, okay, diced, peppered and hell lets also do capped but not topped and for damn sure not country cause I only eat animals that swim exclusively as their mode of transportation" hashbrowns. Yummy. Waffle House....

In the meantime keep checking me out here. And here. And I moonlight here too. (Pun not intended but now appreciated and accepted for what it is. True because I'm totally a late night lister)


*Hilarious to say I was trying for WLE by "toiling" but it was sunny and beautiful so it counts as non-work, right? I'm a freak, I know. I need a vaca and BAD.

** Okay fine, one picture. But just cause the beauty makes up for the misery I'm feeling right now. Well maybe "making up for" is a bit lofty. Its making it suck a tad less, alright?