Reality Checks Bite (Cross Stitch Wisdom)

Let me help you read this rad cross-stitch by typing it out below,

because "Altho" I did my best to zoom in, its still hard as heck to read.

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"Altho You'll find our house a mess, come in-- sit down converse.

It doesn't always look like this, sometimes--its even worse.

Welcome To Our Country Home"

Not that I couldn't cross stitch the you-know-what out of this design (if I had the time), I can't actually take credit for this amazing albeit hard to read specimen. Well I can take credit a little bit, but not for making it. The person who made it or perhaps a traitorous relative or possibly lunatic but well meaning friend discarded it while helping the owner tidy up and I do use that word on purpose. Discarded. Because even thrift stores have dumpsters in the back lot (dadgummed rich ass country of ours) so you never know where your amazing and rootin' tootin' radical homemade artifact you so lovingly "donated" could end up. Someone spent some time and definitely some wit on this bad boy. Love it and love everything the two owls stand for. (whatever, birds, I ain't no naturalist!). Seriously though,dude...this could have ended up in the trash, dadgummit!!! And (speaking of biting), to nibble Raul Malo, "what a cryin' shame" cause its just so TUFF and so quaintly and unabashedly honest, isn't it?

Pure wisdom, too! Love and yet honesty. It says, "Welcome to my dump, don't say anything about the dishes piled in the sink." Not all of us in the south are belles. I mean, of course, I am, but I'm still an icy hot mess on a warm winter's day, as you have probably figured out by now.

And bless this mess.

Bless it hard. (everyone say Amen!)

luyu...rr

Fairy God Room Service-person (Let's see if this works.....)

This is what I want to eat tomorrow*

But I don't want to have to cook it.

Just putting it out there in case the Universe wants to make it happen. (closing eyes violently wishfully and doing trademarked "Bewitched" nose twitch.)

God Bless Elizabeth Montgomery. She made it look so easy.

luyu,

rr

*well later this morning seeing as how its around 2am right now. So I guess I answered my own question. Of course this won't work. I got the order in too late!

Icy Hot Mess: A series of self revealing photographic dry heaves. (cause you gotta start somewhere)

Even a unicorn can't sit on her laurels anymore.

She's gotta have like 19 pieces of flair, some ornamental peacock feathers to infer swag,
a bowtie made of money, a tutu and a sheriff badge (or somethin'.)

The horn is just the bare minimum.

Even extinct and fantasy animals have to put their best hoof forward.
It's 2011 and things have changed. No more free rides.

Pinny

This is Pinny.
Pinny the Pinata.

Pinny is my most loyal fake mascot.

She never talks back, she's always smiling
and her hair only fades into a cuter and paler pink each year.

So she gets to stay.

What can I say?
It just needed that little somethin' extra.

And that somethin' was red paint made to look like blood.

Sorry, I just think these nursury animals looked creepy without it!!!

(Trust me on this one)

Got crafts needin' tendin'

Got clothes needin' mendin'

Got some vehicles needin' fixin'

And some stuff needin' listin'

Downstairs windows need some washin'


And some shoes need some *tossin'!


We've moved past this being a Traditional or even (dare I say) Contemporary "hot mess."
This one is ICY hot.


And it glides right on.

ttyl.
.rr

*not my shoes, yours. Specifically those old nasty flip flops you got!
Buy some of mine!!! (you know you're curious).

City Snakes

Big City Snakes on the Scene

trying to distinguish themselves

from the wolf pack

Colorful mob of urban serpents

flies into an impromptu mosh pit

and balance is restored.

Individuals in a Kaleidoscope of Standouts

all experiencing the Irony of

Blowin Up in the Big City

Names (and other labels) become illegible

and the Individual colors compliment the Group

spotlighting No One and yet Everyone.

Let it be seen and known as of this day.

Snakeskin flesh is on the way.

xoxo, rr

Country Snakes

Orion meets one of the neighborhood serpents. No biggie.

Just what country boys do in the summertime.

Could I be any paler?

(But with nice muscles)

The transition is the most important part here.

Not smiling for the camera obviously.

Check it out! And I'm not even flexing in this picture!!

(or wearing makeup, obviously)

By the way, love the one work glove and one dish glove in these pictures.

I was in the middle of scrubbing out our recycling bins (ew) so I had to take a quick break to check out the snake my dad found on our property. Just a typical day in the country.