Horror of a Desk

I gotta clean this messy desk!! Its just awful and this is only the tiny portion of it that I was willing to show you. The "cute" angle. The sucking-in-the-gut shot.

But the pencils really distract in a delightful way I think.

Horror+ Adorable = "Horror-able" . Better search that and see if its been done. If not, I'm a millionaire!




You ain't even ready.....but if you want to try you can see more of my "Love You 2" Pencils here or here. I'm really into the Killer Clown homage right now so you'll probably see some frightening buffoons in your parcel if you order somethin' from my shop right now cause I've been trying to include one in every order for the past couple months since I got a new supply of eyeballs and hair, etc. Well you won't get one of the really snazzy ones you're seeing here, but at least you might score one of my rejects with paint blobs in their hair, googly eyes that have dried slightly askew or ones with messed up hairdos. Sorry, just being real with you that it won't be the sexy one with a sequin bow that took me hours to doll up, cause you're mainly getting it for free cause I'm a whore for branding. Its like a biz card, alright?! Only hairy and with eyes that appear to watch you from all angles cause they are in fact googly with evil. Anyways, back to the wicked little knaves. I have a ton of colored pom poms so I've been snatching out all the red ones for their little red foam noses. Total creepazoids. Check them out...

The white sequin bowtie on this one paired with the neon orange hair just keeps me awake at night knowing it hasn't sold and any minute it could just rip my throat out.
Or something gross like that. Lead poisoning, maybe?? Even worse!

It looks like its just asleep....but wait. Don't get too close!

Oh now look what you've done. You're a goner.

Puttin on the Ritz! And the white face paint, the red nose and the blood.
Don't forget the blood.


He might look like Beaker from the Muppets but don't let it fool ya...he totally would make your skin into a leotard or a pencil case or whatever using his top of the line Brother sewing machine. Seriously, he would if he had the chance, so keep sharp! Oh wait, don't sharpen him. That would be way worse.

Just pure, silly evil. That foam nose is sniffing out all your fear and lets just say he's got your number. You know he does. It's cool, I'm scared of them too. That's why I do this, silly billy.


Luyu, rr



To see more undead pencils you can peep this post from a while back. Or this one from more recently.
Like I said, you ain't even ready...

I've been...poisoned!?

So yeah, it was poison ivy after all. I don't want to post Up-Close &Nasty pictures of my sores or my flaking-like-a-Grands-biscuit-(but without the grease)-scratched-up skin where I've just annihilated it in my sleep to have the pain overshadow the itch which is so much way worse. More way worse. Whatever. Worse.
So I am trying to catch up on a lot of posts I'd planned out and took pics for before I was so rudely interrupted (coughing in Mother Earth's direction then realizing stupidly that its all her direction.)

I'm trying not to hold it against Springtime that this happened to me, but it sucks!! I am so bad anyway about scratching when I have chiggers or mosquito bites or anything like that so this is just a million times worse for me.


One thing I did before this crap happened was make a yummy "pie-apple" out of some granny smiths and a pre-made dough. Cause I'm not trying to prove nothing here. It was so good. We kinda had already started picking at it when I took this picture. It got much worse.

A granny smith "pie-apple," made and later devoured by yours truly.
I'm an animal!

The Ove Glove in the pic keeps up my zombie housewife schtick.

Some cool and most definitely homemade skateboards I've scooped recently while thrifting.
Two boards, Two boys.
Looks like mommy's putting that "future skateboard fund" money
back into the "parent's date night" piggybank.
One of them says "Hunter" but we can knock the letters off easily enough.
Nobody will ever notice the difference between this and the "store bought" boards...right?

Some construction project my kids started then abandoned.
Like they say... like mommy like son.
(Sheesh, I gotta move these bricks now?)




oldies but goodies, but brown and too big.
(wonk wonk...)

So I found these green beauts the other day and first off, they are my size (maybe a hair big but thats better than my current pair like them which are a bit small and thats always worse than too big). So yeah, they fit me and they are GREEN! Which is so rad cause its like the ultimate full circle moment. I guess I should explain further. First off, the green color is part of our branding for Fat Rolls(TM) so its always fun to get into green like this. Second, I personally have a theory that the style on the right pushed out the one on the left because they were on the scene around the same time and I guess one just became more popular than the other. But why give up on the bamboo soled one? Why let that awesome geta style dreamboat just go by the wayside? Not acceptable. So after searching for years and years for another pair like them I decided to make them my dang self and it was then another couple years or so before we really even took the first step to do that. They've waited so long, guys. So its finally their chance to get back on the scene and allow the world to rediscover this awesome version of a beloved fave. The geta style bamboo soled flip flop.
Is there any more perfect shoe? I think not.

Since the green pair was vintage and a bit dirty/used/worn,
I decided when I did this I'd use one of my used Fat Rolls (TM) to represent FRs so its a Fair Fight!!
Who cares really?? This is simply a cleverly styled photograph, no real fighting took place.

But if it had...

"Don't let the Saucer Magnolia fool ya.
My ass is from the projects!..."

Speaking of shoes...

My first real signage.
Ballin'!

I got the rest of my shoes in from Thailand, only took an extra 10 days in Miami to get them brokered through but they're here! Here are some of the new styles I am going to be listing more of in the coming days on my Etsy shops here and here.

This one is more purple toned in person and you can't see it
but its a paisley textured velveteen.
Love this shoe or else.


Some kinda textured black velveteen.
Goth on Holiday.



Silver Lady with Pink Roots. Bad to the Bone.

You can barely see it here but this velveteen is a silvery gray but has deep pink undertones in the velveteen so that you can see them up close and with normal movement. Pretty sweet effect. Let the pink peek through my silver? That's just flat out tough.
Now I wish I had silver hair with pink roots!!

Purple Haze and Gold Maze.
The extreme and almost cliche luxury of satin against a
natural and exfoliatingly rough baby bamboo sole.

Something for the Aspiring Slacker-Reluctant Artist Hybrids or pretty much anyone else who has good taste and appreciates supreme comfort.
You checkin' this satin out? Against a rough bamboo weave?
Its downright aberrant. But amazing. Aberrant but Amazing. You heard it here first.

So I gotta run. Tried to cram too much in one.
Post, that is.



smell ya later...
rr

Death By Nail Polish

No pics yet or maybe ever for this one because its honestly worse than corn flakes or fake blood or anything else I'd normally pimp out while modeling for you as my zombie housewife slash capitalist pig wanna be hipster clown or what have you- alter ego.

But had to say I am truly plotting death tonight. I actually am hours and hours deep into an attempt at this point. I tried to do the work life balance thing, whoops, excuse my french, work life "effectiveness" and so I toiled* in the yard a lot this week while hanging with the kids and doing battle with some seriously aggressive weeds in our yard**. So I think I got a bad case of West Nile Chiggers or some poison ivy but I don't know what that really looks like so I think these are chiggers that are sucking my lifeforce which is really pissing me off at this point. (Blood sucking? Really, emmer effer? That's my bit!) Regardless I am just scratching the eff out of myself and in utter misery. If I had a sharp knife I might actually scrape my skin right off and please don't take this as some "cutter chic" or lusty masochism, this is real deal itching happening right now at this moment in time and totally unsexily, not to mention I'm barely able to stop the itching for even a couple seconds to write this post. I haven't itched this bad since I was in corporate America just trying to Shawshank my way out of the manager cube. (the most constricting one if you'll notice. 4 walls for the cube, not just one partial.)

I used almost all of my Nail Life but it was an old bottle that had thickened a ton and because I'm a penny pincher I saved it to just use only on my toenails cause its so friggin thick but now I have an even better use although I'm hoping to crap that I don't need to use it much longer or ever again for this reason. This is misery!!! These bastards must be put down, and I'm just the one to do it. (Sorry for the rip off but I'm catching up on Dexter while running)

Anyhoo, not a cutter but wanting to just go nuts right now. Couldn't really hurt myself on purpose because although I am seriously flawed in so many ways and so hard on myself I have to admit I love the shit out of myself. So this just sucks to want to cut my skin off, ya know? What a weird feeling. Okay, must sleep so I can pick up hubby from the airport way too early with kids in tow. I have a feeling we'll have to stop by the Waffle House on the way back home cause I have a pecan waffle with my name on it and some "scattered, smothered, possibly covered but haven't decided yet for sure, okay, diced, peppered and hell lets also do capped but not topped and for damn sure not country cause I only eat animals that swim exclusively as their mode of transportation" hashbrowns. Yummy. Waffle House....

In the meantime keep checking me out here. And here. And I moonlight here too. (Pun not intended but now appreciated and accepted for what it is. True because I'm totally a late night lister)

luyu,rr

*Hilarious to say I was trying for WLE by "toiling" but it was sunny and beautiful so it counts as non-work, right? I'm a freak, I know. I need a vaca and BAD.

** Okay fine, one picture. But just cause the beauty makes up for the misery I'm feeling right now. Well maybe "making up for" is a bit lofty. Its making it suck a tad less, alright?

Blast from the Past

The raw materials

I was inspired by these genetic freaks to create a 4 finger ring like the ones I used to see sold in the old "Joe and Lee Market" (later just "Choe's") at the end of my street when I was a teenager. That same market that used to sell 64 oz jugs of Private Stock to my friends even while sporting their high school wrestling cheerleader uniforms and purchasing these Methuselahs of Malt Liquor with blow pops to help get the booze down quicker.

Seriously? Come on, "Joe".

Now the place is leveled and a huge complex sits there with lots of shops and gourmet popsicles and fancy burgers. Much better for the ole' hood but maybe a little less gritty and definitely more gentrified.

So back to the point! Check out these specimens. Updated to reflect these less illicit and sadly a little more "cutesy" times.

Here's a little 2 finger number cause it was a bit smaller so I worked with what I had.

And the mother lode.

(pun not intended)

Seriously don't these cut outs look like hearts? I am such a softie.

Even when I'm trying to be hard I come off as soft.

Trying to kill the cutesie.

Told him to raise his clenched fist but this turned out much less hard than I'd hoped for.

Love his little underbite thing he's starting to do now sometimes.


The other offspring wanted one too so I ended up making 2 of them.

"It's cold, mommy!! It's cold!"

Thats right, son... ice cold.

Me wearing the 4 finger masterpiece.

So creepy with the dripping juices all over my veiny* hands.

Ew.

View from the inside of the ring.

Total zombie housewifery and kiddy crafts at its very finest.

No?

That's what I thought!

Glad we see eye to eye now. (punching fist into palm of other hand looking intimidating as bleep but spraying strawberry juice everywhere).

So in the meantime check me out here.

I'll be waiting...

xo,c

*(that's right, I'm comfortable with myself enough to use my aging hands as material)

Genetically Modified Deliciousness

Let me hollar at ya'll. See this? No, not the pickled jalepenos or the smart balance tub, although those items do tell you a lot about me as a consumer and as an eater (a hothead, really into nachos, watches cholesterol, blah blah blah). No but seriously...Check this thing that's hiding out in my cheese drawer for shit's sake!!

Scary, right?!

This freak of nature is going to be made into something yummy and dare I say downright nostalgic. That said, as much as I may be an aspiring fruititarian, I kind of hesitate before chowing down on one of these guys...cause I just feel they are the freakish manifestation of that sprawly, greedy, food-factory-rather-than-home-farmy type of culture that is ever with us, gnawing away at us and bringing out the worst in us...Don't get me started! (too late). The domestic arts are forcing me into the face of this "berry on roids" and I must be the victor. Rahrrrrrr. wish me luck ya'll!! I am barely as big as this monstrosity. Send mucho twinkle power pretty please. Sugar on top.

I will keep you posted but this is the "before" in what will be a pretty rad final product and hopefully will give me a rather "juicy" redemption of the appetites. (sorry, been watching a bit of "Dead like me" while doing my running in place thing I do when I must multitask my entertainment with my fitness.) Augh...talk about genetic freaks. Lazing while working out. Makes perfect sense.

luyu,rr

The neon of the tiger

I hope its not a faux pas to wear rabbit fur and also animal print in the same outfit. Maybe the fur doesn't count cause its hidden as the lining. No?
Seriously, one of you fashion rules nutjobs shout at me... Is that too much meat on one plate?

Who am I kidding... I don't care what you think. Or wait...uh...
Do you like that it has neon in it?

Me too.

xo,rr

They sold!!

Devastating....

Well, for me it is utterly devastating. For the customer, a happy day. I just loved looking at these boots and inspecting all the cool details. They leave for Toronto tomorrow.

Godspeed and happy life, sweet things.

xo,rr